Health and Fitness Lifestyle Personal

A Literally Heavy Burden (The Start of A Fitness Journey)

I have a heavy burden… and it’s not metaphorical.

Just a segue before I begin. Last week, two of my closest friends separately unloaded their troubles on me. One is one of my oldest and bestest friends while the other is my work colleague. I’m not in the position to disclose their problemsΒ – and I don’t think I even have the right to talk about them – but being chosen to be their confidante is a privilege.

Open note to these two friends. To my work co-pilot, you are a smart & strong woman and I’m sure you are ready to face whatever life throws your way. But I’m happyΒ you got the outcome you were hoping for. πŸ™‚

To my dear friend: I’m here and you were never, are not, will not ever be a burden to me. I cannot in good conscience allow you to be miserable and I want you to find your happiness. I want you to find yourself , a bright future, a new hope in life. And hey, love, too! I love you and will always be your biggest fan.

But my friends’ dilemmas are not the “burden” that I’m referring to. No, not at all, I didn’t even feel the weight. There, I just gave you the clue.Β Weight.Β 

I have a heavy burden. It’s not metaphorical, and it weighs 63 kilos.

Getting Fat and Ignoring It

I know I’ve already mentioned so many times in this blog, in my old blog, my quest to fitness. But I just didn’t have the motivation to stick to a diet plan, to a workout regime. I still ate a lot (and didn’t shy away from sweets and junk food) and barely moved (unless I was shopping…).

I sorely lacked self-discipline, so the fact that I’m piling on weight like crazy shouldn’t have come as a surprise. While the heaviness was quite obvious, I tried to ignore the telltale signs of poor health like my IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) coming back and my period getting slightly irregular in spite of being regular my whole life. Yup, I tried to chalk them up to growing older. Everyone knows that’s not true.

The weighing scale started gathering dust. The last time I weighed myself, I was at around 57 kilograms. I think that was a whole year ago. For me, ignorance was bliss. I also make excuses for myself. I work so hard – I should have this chocolate bar. I just survived a stressful day – I should have this cupcake. I must celebrate, I must be indulge in this ice cream. I do so many things in a day, surely a slice of cake or pizza wouldn’t hurt. Heck, even a new episode of my favourite K-drama called for a special snack. At 10 freaking pm.

Favourite candy! #thisiswhyimfat 🐷

A photo posted by Marie Angeli Laxa (@maanlaxa) on

Well, the last straw that finally broke my stubborn back came when I was trying out some of my clothes for a special event (real estate related). None of my clothes fit. I didn’t want to buy a new dress either because that meant getting depressed at the mall if my outfit of choice didn’t have my size. I dug through my closet and found a dress that I used to wear. I zipped it in and I couldn’t breathe. No joke, I had to call my sister upstairs because IΒ could not get out of the dress.Β We were laughing while she struggled to zip it open but I felt like a gluttonous whale.

Getting My Body – and Health – Back

As much as I would like to report that I’ve already gotten my body back, the truth is it has just been a week since I made the renewed decision to reclaim my health. I am not the best person to talk about self-control because I have virtually none but right now, all I want is to feel better about myself again.

Having so much fun with my new toy. El cheapo at P850 but cute and does the job! 😍

A photo posted by Marie Angeli Laxa (@maanlaxa) on

More than fitting into my old clothes again, I want to get back my old self-confidence. I’m tired of hiding myself at the back of group pictures. I’m tired of taking angled photos so my face wouldn’t look so round in selfies (yes, my selfies areΒ mapaglinlang). I’m tired of not having the energy to take Yuri to the playground because I feel heavy all the time.

While my father should stop force-feeding me rice (haha), everyone is supportive of my #fitnessjourney, especially Job. Even though he doesn’t need to lose weight, he joined my fitness regime by also dieting and working out. And I’m really glad for that. I started making overnight oats again for breakfast (instead of eating white bread sandwiches or fried rice with hotdog) and I haven’t eaten junk food and sweets in a week (so far). I also began working out and joining virtual Zumba sessions (via YouTube) every morning.

I hope, this time, I will be dedicated enough to stick to my goal.

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  • Reply Edwin Madison October 17, 2016 at 9:06 pm

    Maan, great post. Inspirational I must say.

    I hope and I wish you stick to your plan. I’d love to see how it goes so keep posting how it works for you.

    Best wishes, Eddy

    • Reply Maan October 19, 2016 at 7:04 am

      Thank you Eddy!

  • Reply Michi October 18, 2016 at 7:09 am

    Losing weight is not my problem but I know that I need to add workout in my life so I won’t get tired always. Kaso, iisipin ko pa lang, napapagod na ko mag-exercise. hehehe!

    • Reply Maan October 19, 2016 at 7:03 am

      That’s one of the reasons why I want to work out again. I’m tired of feeling tired all the time!

  • Reply Janice October 18, 2016 at 12:07 pm

    Good luck on your fitness journey! You’re right, it’s so hard to lose weight. I’m just lucky now that I actually lost a lot of weight after giving birth, more than the pregnancy weight gain. But I’m still not on my ideal weight. I’d like to be stronger too especially because I’ll be running after another little boy soon.

    • Reply Maan October 19, 2016 at 7:03 am

      Yeah you’re looking good talaga! I can’t believe how you’re still not on your ideal weight?

  • Reply Celerhina Aubrey October 18, 2016 at 1:31 pm

    Ermergerd. Weight issues. Hahahaha! Been telling myself I need to work out pero hindi ko magawa. I know how difficult it is. Madalas mas gusto natin matulog nalang and eat our worries away. Pero I know kaya mo yan! Push lang sis!!

    • Reply Maan October 19, 2016 at 7:01 am

      Mahirap magwork out kung may anak, that’s the truth haha! Right now I’m supposed to be working out but my son has a fever and doesn’t want me to leave his side.

  • Reply Maine @MomsterTeacher October 18, 2016 at 2:07 pm

    Relate!!! I always say that I need to lose weight, but I end up gaining more weight. And like you, I am also affected by other people’s problems. I was told that you also need to unload the burden passed on to you–not to anyone else–but to God. Pray for your friends. You’ll find solace, and you will feel even more blessed. πŸ™‚ Take care!

    • Reply Maan October 19, 2016 at 7:01 am

      Thank you Maine! You don’t look frumpy though, elegant as ever!

  • Reply Mommy Roxi October 18, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    I feel you! I’ve been struggling with the weight I gained after stopping breastfeeding. I was “food deprived” kasi for a good amount of my breastfeeding journey with my youngest. So when I was finally “free” of eating whatever I wanted, I went all out. Too all out! So now, about 50lbs heavier than ever, I’m having a hard time losing it. I was able to lose about 12lbs a month ago, kaso I stopped working out. Ayan, back with vengeance sila! πŸ™

    Don’t get me wrong, I’d like to be “slim” again, whatever that means with my body, but I also love the skin I’m in. Kahit di ako pumayat ng bongga. I just want to be active and healthy.

    • Reply Maan October 19, 2016 at 6:59 am

      I gained weight after we stopped breastfeeding too! I agree with you – it doesn’t matter how much (or how little) I lose but I want to take back my old healthy lifestyle. We can do this!

  • Reply Patty | MrsC October 19, 2016 at 8:43 am

    Good luck on your fitness journey! I am super overdue to get started on mine narin, but… Hahaha. Oh well. I’m rooting for you!

  • Reply Ma.Me.Mi.Mommy October 19, 2016 at 9:58 am

    Best of luck to this endeavor. I was there once, with all my fitness tracker ready. And then pregnancy gave me an excuse to postpone it. Haha

  • Reply Jaycelle October 19, 2016 at 12:44 pm

    Exactly my sentiments and concern too. 😭 I’m heavy and gets tired easily. This is a concern I have been thinking about and trying to “solve”. I hope you stick to your goal. This post is inspiring.

  • Reply Teresa October 19, 2016 at 4:30 pm

    I can relate to you. I also feel that my jeans are becoming extra tighter. hahaha I don’t want to buy new ones! So, got to move it move it! πŸ˜‰

  • Reply Liz A October 24, 2016 at 1:29 am

    Like you, I don’t have the discipline, too. I don’t work out and the reason I lose weight is because I am too stressed out and I forget to eat. Not a healthy option, too. Now, I am 3kg above my weight range and reason I gained weight was due to bad eating habits and schedule.
    Good luck in your journey and hoping for the best. As for me, I need to get my eating schedule sorted out, too πŸ™‚

  • Reply Roby October 24, 2016 at 1:14 pm

    share the same sentiment. i really want to lose weight but i’m still breastfeeding, i’m afraid that going on an extreme diet will dry me out. just tried doing yoga and hope evrything turns out fine.

  • Reply Nilyn (Above Precious Rubies) October 24, 2016 at 5:56 pm

    Go go go, Mhaan! I’m also on my “take that belly fat journey” that’s how I call it, kasi, mukha akong 3 months prego. huhu. So, best of luck to us, at kaya natin to!!! β™₯

  • Reply Gilian October 26, 2016 at 4:21 am

    Keep it up. πŸ™‚ I’m on the other end of your burden. I need to gain weight. Needed to gain weight before. I got pregnant so no need, but for sure the breastfeeding journey soon would require me to maintain a good weight. So you are not alone. I want be motivated to be healthy and to exercise after my delivery. πŸ™‚

  • Reply Mommy Queenelizabeth October 26, 2016 at 3:07 pm

    I can relate! The first step towards health and weightloss is the hardest for me! I hope i can continue the journey soonest! Puro umpisa lang kase ako! πŸ™

  • Reply Nerisa October 26, 2016 at 3:39 pm

    Losing weight is a challenge, and I know you can do it!

  • Reply Michelle October 27, 2016 at 6:20 pm

    Go go go Maan! You know what, I just remembered lang din. About 3 months ago, I started jogging again. Kasi parang naging sakitin ako, so I wanted to boost my immune system and yung mapalakas ang lungs ko ulit. Only to find out na buntis na naman pala ako, so my jogging routine was abrutply put into a stop. Huhu! Ang swerte mo dinadamayan ka rin ni husband sa #fitnessjourney. Mas worthwhil and motivating because your partner in life supports your goals! πŸ˜€ Good luck and eat healthy food lang + exercise, you’ll surely achieve the outcome that you want! πŸ™‚

    • Reply Maan October 31, 2016 at 9:59 pm

      Yes, I noticed my immune system took a dive when I stopped working out! Naku don’t worry about other things, focus on your baby. New babies are sooo exciting! <3

  • Reply Alaine October 28, 2016 at 6:18 am

    I used to be skinny but stress and sleepless nights made me gain more weight. I am also trying to lose at least 10 pounds before the year ends. Good luck to us, we can do this!

  • Reply Maria Teresa Figuerres October 28, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    I feel you. I’ve been telling myself I’ll start exercising again but haven’t really done anything to be physically fit, my excuse being I’m tired from household chores and tutoring chores every day.

  • Reply Cheryl F October 28, 2016 at 6:29 pm

    I also have a heavy burden, not that I’m too lazy to workout, it’s just that I sometimes can’t find time. I used to run from 4:30 am to 6 am but when I gave birth I feel like my body is always tired. My son is still two and is sleeping beside me so I can’t go back to that routine. Pero minsan naiisip ko baka ginawa ko lang excuses ang anak ko. Yes and No. I admit. Sometimes kasi gusto ko matulog nlang pag tulog yung anak ko. But recently I’m trying to sneak in a 5-minute workout a day, sometimes I repeat at night when my LO is asleep na. Mahirap kasi masarap kumain. Hahaha. Pero kaya natin to mommy. Push natin ang balik-alindog program πŸ™‚

  • Reply Gracie Maulion October 29, 2016 at 8:16 am

    Waaah! Spot on naman ako dito πŸ™‚ If there’s an area in my life that I lack discipline that’s exercise, pero kailangan talaga ito especially we need to live longer and healthier for our children. Thanks for reminding us and inspiring us to go to a fitness journey as well! Push! πŸ™‚

  • Reply Chessy October 30, 2016 at 2:42 pm

    Good luck on your #fitnessjourney! It’s really hard to control food urges so just have a little bite of cupcake or a small piece of chocolate. It will be harder if you deprive yourself. Go go go! And it’s great that your family supports you!

  • Reply Nhessie November 1, 2016 at 1:23 am

    I feel you! I badly need to lose weight too and you inspired me! Thank you!

  • Reply Shalene R | November 1, 2016 at 5:04 pm

    God bless your fitness journey! I hope you get the results you want, and also the motivation to stick to your goals. πŸ™‚

  • Reply Rowena Wendy Lei November 2, 2016 at 10:31 am

    I’m in the same boat as you… XD

  • Reply Mommy Anna November 2, 2016 at 10:33 am

    Ako na ata ang tao pinakatamad mag exercise and hindi talaga sinubukan I am chubby since childhood lalo n ngayun I have a kid but the same as is wala pa din ako gana mag exercise. Hope someday I have a guts na and get motivation πŸ™‚

  • Reply Berlin November 6, 2016 at 8:59 pm

    This inspires me to really push it this time. I’ve been telling my self that I will start tom but end up doing nothing. Or find myself snacking or munching those chips. I really need the discipline.

  • Reply TweenselMom November 7, 2016 at 6:45 am

    I adore moms who really try to be fit and have a great body. Goodluck to you and I’d do my best to follow suit soon!

  • Reply Peachy @ The Peach Kitchen November 12, 2016 at 6:47 am

    Good Luck to us!! Huhuhu.. I can relate, it’s hard to stick to a fitness plan when you are stressed out all the time.

  • Reply Teresa Martinez November 14, 2016 at 5:41 am

    It’s great that you are on your road to physical fitness. Hope I can do the same soon!

  • Reply Angel Caronongan-Enero November 14, 2016 at 9:23 pm

    I am having a heavy burden too (literally) *sigh* Good luck on getting your body back, I wish to gain more discipline too… laging akong back to zero πŸ™

  • Reply Louisa November 18, 2016 at 11:46 am

    We have the same burden! I also ignored the problem. It took a life changing crisis to slowly get me to watch what I eat. Now I’m ever so slowly losing weight. Hopefully I can get more active, too!

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