Personal

This is the email that tried to ruin my day.

A few days ago, I innocently checked my email for work updates and personal messages when I came across a mail, the intention of which I’m still unsure of.

The email was sent to my blog email, maan@joyfulmess.com. It simply said:

Disgrasyada ka ba?

I didn’t reply immediately. Instead, I pored over it for a day and tried to figure out if it was a spam mail. However, it really didn’t look like one. The coincidences of a mail written in Tagalog, sent through a blog email, and sent to a blogger who happens to be a unmarried mum were just too strong to be plain coincidences. I wasn’t angry, but I felt insulted. Never in my life have I received that comment. Never in my life have I felt judged for being unmarried.

And I couldn’t imagine how angry Job would be if he finds out.

I curtly replied and said:

No. And who are you?

The sender, who initially used a guy’s name, replied using a different name. In the first message, the name the sender used was Andy ___, but in the second message, the sender used a woman’s name, Elsa ___. Seriously? The sender sent this unbelievable reply:

I’m 36 kasi and pregnant. But the father is 15 years old. I thought you could give me advice. Thanks anyways.

I was hesitant to publish this message because, if it is true, it is sensitive information, but I felt that it wasn’t genuine. I mean, if the message was authentic, why didn’t she (or he) write it in the first message? Also, why use two different names? Finally, why be so disrespectful and insulting in the first email?

And the addition of “Thanks anyways” at the end of his email? He really has the nerve to insinuate that he was the one being offended in the conversation!

I suspect that the sender must have felt embarrassed when I curtly replied that no, I am not a disgrasyada, and he just sent the second message to save face. So I just sent her (or him) this reply:

You know, the message you sent me was really disrespectful and insulting, considering the fact that we do not even know each other. I could have offered you advice if you asked nicely and sent me a polite question – if your situation is, indeed, true. You’re using a different name pa. Only you know your true intentions.

I may be an unmarried mum, but I will never call myself disgrasyada. I may have committed mistakes in the past, but I do not deserve such a derogatory name. I refuse to connect my son to a stigma. I refuse to insult my partner by allowing this. I refuse to let my past label me because my God has never condemned me.

Nobody deserves to be called disgraced. 

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17 Comments

  • Reply Kim August 12, 2015 at 3:19 pm

    Now, that’s plain rude! My husband and I naman, though married, still get insults like that because we’re a young couple (I got married at 22). We get, “Nadisgrasya?” a lot. And I hate it. Kailan naging disgrasya ang bata?
    Kim recently posted…My 4-year old introduced me to digital coloring… and I liked it!My Profile

    • Reply Maan August 12, 2015 at 9:08 pm

      The saddest thing about insulting parents is that they’re actually insulting the children. And they’re innocent! No child is a “disgrasya.” Your children are blessed to have you as their mother. 🙂

  • Reply jErELLt August 12, 2015 at 3:32 pm

    My closest friend here in the office was an unmarried mother for a long time until she got married and had another child with her now husband. My best friend, though she lives with the father of her child, is also unmarried. But these women are two of the best moms I have ever known! Yes, their setup may be “unconventional”, but that should not define them as a mother, much more as a human being. You can be married but still end up being a horrible mother. Agh! Disgusting, disrespectful, insensitive and stupid people should be banned to use the internet. :p
    jErELLt recently posted…The Story of the Two Little Kolokoys: The Angel and the SurvivorMy Profile

    • Reply Maan August 12, 2015 at 9:13 pm

      Thank you so much, Jerellt! I feel blessed to know that there are more people who are accepting and supportive of unmarried mums. No one, absolutely no one, deserves to be degraded! God bless your pregnancy! I’m sure you’ll be the best mum ever. 🙂

  • Reply LaineyLovesLife August 12, 2015 at 4:10 pm

    I don’t even hear that word anymore! Clearly, she has a foul mouth. Who seeks advice withthat opening line?

    Also, no one can compare you to anyone, or judge you as a mother unless you’re hurting your child. No one has the right to say anything like that to you ever. You are affected because you come from a good familly where those words are not being spoken.

    I always tell my parents whenever I hear people curse “Hindi ako sanay na may nagmumura dahil walang nagsasalita ng ganun sa bahay natin.” Just block her.
    LaineyLovesLife recently posted…Feel Good Mornings!My Profile

    • Reply Maan August 12, 2015 at 9:17 pm

      I love that, Lainey! Hindi rin nga ako sanay magmura because it’s unacceptable in our family. Apir! Thank you so much for the kind words; I am not angry at the sender, but your words surely brightened up my day!

  • Reply Gil August 12, 2015 at 4:12 pm

    When our lives have become open to the public, we become open to all tge negatives that people say. It’s probably better to ignore what she says and see the need. If she wanted an advice, maybe the first you could have given was to tell her not to use the word disgrasyada as a word to label her or other people. It will help that lady have a better perspective of who she is, a forgiven person. 🙂
    I admire you for being a strong mom through all these years. May you become a model to others who have experienced the same. 🙂
    Gil recently posted…Improve Fine Motor Skills By Using StickersMy Profile

    • Reply Maan August 12, 2015 at 9:23 pm

      You know, you’re right. I could have been nicer, could have been more gracious with my reply. But I was just consumed with the feeling that the message was sent with malice. Thank you for making me realise that! 🙂

  • Reply edelweiza August 12, 2015 at 5:56 pm

    I like the way you handled the situation, Maan. The world may be filled with hatred and disrespect, but you showed that email sender how it is possible to be kind and decent. And yes, nobody deserves to be called disgraced. 🙂
    edelweiza recently posted…Cooking with Edel: Pumpkin SoupMy Profile

    • Reply Maan August 12, 2015 at 9:32 pm

      Thank you, Edel! Not to brag or anything (read: totally bragging), but I’ve always been Ms. Goody Two-Shoes hahaha. But when the things important to me are insulted, I tend to fight back (as nicely as I could).

  • Reply ivy August 13, 2015 at 9:52 pm

    I agree with you that nobody deserves to be called disgrasyada. Many people now are very judgmental, they are so nagmamalinis. Not even looking at their own selves first. We are all but a sinner.
    I admire you for being a strong and a woman of dignity.
    God bless!
    ivy recently posted…Managing to be Sane with my Daily RoutineMy Profile

  • Reply Neri Ann August 13, 2015 at 10:26 pm

    I am a mom of twin boys and still not married to my partner but I do not call myself disgrasyada. Though my twins are not planned, they are the best decision that I’ve made and will never regret it in my entire life! That is just sooo rude!!!
    Neri Ann recently posted…My 80 pesos OOTDMy Profile

  • Reply Janice August 14, 2015 at 12:53 am

    I would be insulted too had that person emailed me like that. How rude! Nobody has the right to judge someone’s past. If that happened to me, I would have ignored the email. There’s no use wasting my time with someone like that. I’m sorry it ruined your day but I hope you’re feeling better now.
    Janice recently posted…Who’s Your Unsung Hero? Join Unilab’s Husay at Malasakit Campaign (and WIN a Health Kit too!)My Profile

  • Reply SJ Valdez August 14, 2015 at 10:15 pm

    If that situation will happen to me, I will ignore the email. It was so obvious that the email that was sent to you was malicious.

    On a lighter note, a guy posted this on my Facebook page a few months ago, “May matrona ba rito?” I was shocked! Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ba ako or maiinis kasi nabastos ang Facebook page ko. What I did was I checked out his profile then I found out that all his posts were about porn. I immediately blocked that person. I thought that maybe the guy was seeking attention.

    Even if we have embraced to be public persons, we still have the right to choose the people we deal with.
    SJ Valdez recently posted…Lessen Stress at School with the New “Amino Fres-C”My Profile

  • Reply Liz A August 15, 2015 at 1:09 am

    Haven’t heard that word used in the same context for a looong time i used it is obsolete. Single mom here myself and no partner and never will I think of myself as such let alone let other people treat me like that. So what if I am a single mom? As long as I know that I am taking full responsibility of the welfare of my son, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
    Liz A recently posted…Time to Breathe…My Profile

  • Reply Patty | MrsC August 17, 2015 at 8:34 pm

    Sigh, some people just have no manners.

    I think that this is one of the downsides about online interaction. People are detached to the point of being insensitive simply because the contact that you make with other people online can be so impersonal.

    Still, this totally does not excuse rudeness. I got pregnant before getting married, too, and if anyone said that to me I would really be pissed. But well, deadma na yan. Not worth your time or tears. Hugs!
    Patty | MrsC recently posted…#MuncheriaMNL at the BF Saturday MarketMy Profile

  • Reply CJ September 17, 2015 at 6:22 pm

    Oh my god grabe. Porket unamarried disgrasyada na? Nakakasar a. I’m so sorry that happened to you :(!
    CJ recently posted…Review : Maybelline “The Rocket” mascaraMy Profile

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