A few days ago, I innocently checked my email for work updates and personal messages when I came across a mail, the intention of which I’m still unsure of.
The email was sent to my blog email, firstname.lastname@example.org. It simply said:
Disgrasyada ka ba?
I didn’t reply immediately. Instead, I pored over it for a day and tried to figure out if it was a spam mail. However, it really didn’t look like one. The coincidences of a mail written in Tagalog, sent through a blog email, and sent to a blogger who happens to be a unmarried mum were just too strong to be plain coincidences. I wasn’t angry, but I felt insulted. Never in my life have I received that comment. Never in my life have I felt judged for being unmarried.
And I couldn’t imagine how angry Job would be if he finds out.
I curtly replied and said:
No. And who are you?
The sender, who initially used a guy’s name, replied using a different name. In the first message, the name the sender used was Andy ___, but in the second message, the sender used a woman’s name, Elsa ___. Seriously? The sender sent this unbelievable reply:
I’m 36 kasi and pregnant. But the father is 15 years old. I thought you could give me advice. Thanks anyways.
I was hesitant to publish this message because, if it is true, it is sensitive information, but I felt that it wasn’t genuine. I mean, if the message was authentic, why didn’t she (or he) write it in the first message? Also, why use two different names? Finally, why be so disrespectful and insulting in the first email?
And the addition of “Thanks anyways” at the end of his email? He really has the nerve to insinuate that he was the one being offended in the conversation!
I suspect that the sender must have felt embarrassed when I curtly replied that no, I am not a disgrasyada, and he just sent the second message to save face. So I just sent her (or him) this reply:
You know, the message you sent me was really disrespectful and insulting, considering the fact that we do not even know each other. I could have offered you advice if you asked nicely and sent me a polite question – if your situation is, indeed, true. You’re using a different name pa. Only you know your true intentions.
I may be an unmarried mum, but I will never call myself disgrasyada. I may have committed mistakes in the past, but I do not deserve such a derogatory name. I refuse to connect my son to a stigma. I refuse to insult my partner by allowing this. I refuse to let my past label me because my God has never condemned me.
Nobody deserves to be called disgraced.