Last time I declared that I was living a pretty sweet life. Well, I am. I am truly blessed. But there’s one aspect of my life that I have neglected.
I was hesitant to share with you a personal problem, but then I remembered this is not only a blog but also a personal journal. I’ve always done that (sharing personal things) even on my old blog, so I didn’t understand why it is now a big deal for me. Then again, this is more of an admission of guilt than a mere opening-up.
You see, I’m struggling to read the Bible.
I don’t even remember the last time I really read a Bible verse and took it to heart. There, I said it. I’m not even doing it on purpose. Somehow, it has slipped down my list of priorities, and I find myself falling fast asleep even before opening the Bible (or even at least a Bible app).
What a big mistake.
I feel like I’ve been going through my days uninspired. I haven’t been filled with God’s wisdom, and I feel like I’ve been, you know, simply biding away my time instead of really living. I also realised that this is why I keep losing my patience with Yuri, with Job, and with other people.
I didn’t have the heart to tell Job that I haven’t been reading the Bible lately, although he must have known since he was asking me about it. Whenever he starts a conversation about the verse that spoke to him for that day, I could not respond. I tried but I was fooling no one, especially God.
So last week, I finally opened up to him about my struggle. I know I should have done it way earlier, but I was so embarrassed. He didn’t scold me or overreacted. He didn’t try to be self-righteous. He simply asked me about the reason (I said I don’t know, which is true) and then prayed for me right then and there.
I’m thankful that even though I don’t belong to a church now (it’s complicated) he leads me in faith and covers Yuri and me in prayer. For the sake of everything, I know I should get this aspect of my life together!
I just want to be right with God again.